Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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