Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize
