I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Randomize
