I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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