u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
