Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
So vagazzling was a success
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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