Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
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