and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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