wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
