he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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