Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
