I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
