im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
