I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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