Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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