I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
They took my balls.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
