i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Shame is for Republicans.
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