I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He passed out mid-signature
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
