Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
