If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
