I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
