Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
