maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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