its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
