FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
