My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
