I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
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sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
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Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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