Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
