I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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