Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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