i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
