Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
