Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
