Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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