The brown eye won't let me do that either.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
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Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
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Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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