i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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