that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
