i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Even my vagina gasped.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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