just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize