i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
