i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
