i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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