I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
you made out with another girl for some wings
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
