Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
