forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize