escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
