I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Randomize
