Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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