last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
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She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
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I just had sex on a roof
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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