i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Randomize
