Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
