I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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