He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
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This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
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Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
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