no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
