At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
