You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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