so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
