You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
