smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
