apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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