So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
