Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
